


The Replacement

by ithilien22



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-03
Updated: 2006-09-03
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 'The Prank', Remus tries to deal with what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sirius's Betrayal

Remus opened his eyes blearily, noting a familiar head sporting distinctly disheveled black hair floating altogether too close to his face. He groaned slightly and closed his eyes again.

“He’s waking up.” He heard James’s voice whisper, though it may as well have been screamed for all the pressure Remus suddenly felt throbbing between his temples.

He tried to open his mouth to tell his friends to kindly keep it down, but it came out as more of a muffled sort of, “ungh,” which, he was disappointed to note, couldn’t really be considered proper English at all.

“How do you feel?” He heard Peter ask tentatively, his squeaky voice slicing through Remus’s skull like a knife, or rather, like a knife that had recently been left sitting much to close to a fire.

“Like hell.” He somehow managed to mumble throatily, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Had he always talked that loud?

James handed him a glass of water and he downed the entire contents greedily, marveling at the cooling sensation of the liquid as it slid down his throat.

“What happened?” He finally asked, his words coming a bit easier but still not without their scratchy edge. “Where were you guys?”

The quick terrified expression that was shared between James and Peter caused Remus to sit up abruptly, wincing as every aching joint in his body protested his sudden insanity.

“Did I hurt someone?” He asked breathlessly, not liking the way his closest friends were suddenly avoiding meeting his eye.

It was then, finally, that Remus noticed the absence of the fourth member of their little group – the fourth marauder.

“Oh, God.” He whispered, feeling rather like he was about to be ill. “Where’s Sirius?”

James and Peter shared that same look again and Remus lost his temper and his patience simultaneously.

“Where the fuck is Sirius?” He demanded, his vocal cords screaming in protest. “What did I do to him?”

“Nothing. Remus, you didn’t hurt Sirius.” James assured him quickly.

Remus blinked up at James several times, trying to read his expression. For a second he almost thought he saw a flicker of anger flash across James’s features. But it must have been his imagination, he reasoned, because why else would James possibly be angry about the fact that his best friend had escaped last night unharmed?

After a few seconds of heavy silence, Peter added softly, “No one else got hurt, either.”

Remus allowed himself to lean back into the hospital bed once more, willing his heart to slow down to its normal pace. _Sirius is fine, Sirius is fine_ – he just kept repeating the simple phrase over and over like a mantra inside his head until he could believe it was the truth.

“Then where is he?” He asked, once he had managed to calm down a bit. “What is going on?”

“Listen, Remus…Snape knows.” James told him with a heavy sigh.

This statement was met with complete silence. Now Remus felt sure he was going to be sick.

“Knows what?” He asked, already knowing the answer and yet somehow still needing to hear it out loud.

“Sirius told him how to get past the willow,” James elaborated, his hands unconsciously curling themselves into fists as he spoke, “and, of course, being the prat that he is, Snivellus actually did it. He only caught a glimpse before I pulled him out of there, but it was enough, and…”

Remus hadn’t heard a word out of James’s mouth after the first sentence.

“Sirius,” he repeated in a whisper, interrupting James’s narrative. “Sirius told him?”

The fleeting look of anger from before returned to James’s face, this time taking up residence.

“He said he thought it would be _funny_ ,” he said, spitting out the last word like a curse. “Oh, yeah, real funny to get Snape _murdered_ by a fucking werewolf, never mind that said werewolf happens to be your fucking _boyfriend!_ ”

“James!” Peter hissed, trying to stop the other boy from going into a full blown rant. _We were supposed to be breaking it to him gently_ , he wanted to remind him, but given that Remus was still in the room he settled for an exasperated sigh.

“You know Sirius,” he attempted, once James had gotten the message and fallen silent, “he just doesn’t think things through. I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you or…or even Snape, for that matter. I mean, you know, he just he didn’t think.”

Remus was once again lying back against the headboard, his palm against his forehead and his eyes closed. Peter couldn’t even be sure he was listening.

“I mean, you should have seen him last night,” he continued uncertainly, “he didn’t get any sleep…I mean, not that any of us really got any sleep last night but…I mean, he would have been here but it’s just that we didn’t think…I mean, we thought that maybe…well, he wanted to be here he just…he’s really sorry.”

James snorted angrily and Peter shot him another warning glare.

“Can you guys just, can you just go?” Remus asked quietly, eyes still closed.

“What?” James asked, frowning down at his friend in concern.

“I’m sorry.” Remus sighed, opening his eyes a bit and attempting a half-smile. “I’m just I’m really exhausted. Can you just go, please?”

James glanced over a Peter.

“Of course.” He said eventually, concern still etched across his features. “We’ll just well just let you rest.”

“Everything’s going to be okay, Remus,” Peter added, once they were halfway out the door, “you’ll see.”

Remus didn’t think anything could possibly be farther than the truth. Everything was not going to be okay. Sirius had betrayed him. The person he trusted the most in the entire world had just told someone his biggest and most dangerous secret as a fucking joke.

Nothing made any sense to him anymore. _How could Sirius have done this to him?_ he wondered, feeling sick to his stomach at the thought. _And why? Was it really all a joke to him?_

As if in answer to his silent questions, Sirius appeared in the doorway that James and Peter had just vacated, looking red-eyed and upset. The look on his face implied desperation, but the steps he took towards Remus were slow and careful.

“Moony,” he said softly, his voice pleading with Remus to look up at him.

Remus stared determinedly down at the sheets.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius’s voice came again, slightly more broken, and closer now. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”

Remus finally looked up, taking in all the pain that shone on Sirius’s face, the sincerity that was evident in his voice – and he found himself unaffected by any of it.

For the last three years, long before they had begun… _whatever_ this was, even the slightest look of pain or hurt had caused him to go running to Sirius’s side. Even now that they were together, it was obvious that Remus’s affections were much greater than Sirius’s. In some ways, Remus had always expected betrayal from Sirius – but not like this.

Now when he looked at Sirius, all he felt was achingly empty inside. He felt like Sirius had stolen something from him and he wondered vaguely why he had given him that kind of power.

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus said when he finally spoke. “It’s okay.”

Sirius leaned over and embraced Remus fiercely, not even noticing when Remus didn’t respond in kind.

“I’ll never hurt you again,” Sirius whispered into Remus’s neck.

“I know,” Remus answered.

 _Because I won’t let you_ , he added silently.

 _Never again._


	2. Regulus's Betrayal

When Sirius had cornered him in the library earlier that evening, he had been surprised. Most of the time Sirius pretended that he didn’t even have a brother, which suited Regulus just fine. But then suddenly there he was – his big brother, the proud Gryffindor – standing before him, his eyes desperate and begging for his help.

He knew immediately what it must be about, the only thing it _could_ be about. There was only one thing – one person, to be specific – that would make Sirius come to his own brother for help. There was only one person who could make him look so desperate and pathetic.

Regulus knew how his brother felt about Lupin; he’d seen the furtive glances, the almost touches. Truthfully, he didn’t think much about it one way or the other. He knew what their mother would say, of course, but as far as he was concerned, nothing Sirius did surprised him anymore. His brother had made a point of turning his back on everything the Blacks considered normal. He prided himself on being the ultimate rebel.

He thought about their conversation as he made his way through the halls towards the Slytherin dungeons. He remembered how Sirius had gone back and forth between threatening and pleading, how he kept running his hand through his hair absentmindedly and clenching his fists without noticing, how the sweat had gathered on his brow, how his lip had trembled slightly whenever he said Remus’s name.

He didn’t really mind what Sirius had asked him to do, to keep an eye on Snape. Truthfully, Severus had never been his favorite person in the world. But what he’d never understand, he decided, was why Sirius had told the one secret that he usually guarded with his life to the one person who would have the most reason to expose it. Frankly, no matter how he looked at it, it just didn’t make any sense.

As he rounded the corner, still shaking his head slightly at his thoughts, he smelled the distinct smell of smoke coming from somewhere up ahead. He moved instinctively towards the smell, more curious than anything else. While they weren’t in a high traffic section of the castle, smoking anywhere inside was a rather risky business.

His curiosity turned to bewilderment when he finally reached the source of the smoke and found none other than Remus Lupin himself.

“I can’t say I would’ve expected behavior like this from a Gryffindor prefect,” he murmured in greeting, causing Remus to start visibly.

He relaxed slightly when he realized he hadn’t just been caught by a professor, and when he replied his voice took on a defiant edge.

“What do you care, Regulus?” he asked sharply.

“I don’t,” Regulus replied with a shrug, yet he let himself slide down to the stone floor, back to the wall beside Remus.

Remus remained stubbornly quiet, taking a drag of his cigarette and purposely blowing the smoke in Regulus’s direction. The message was clear, but Regulus refused to budge.

“Must be pretty hacked off at Sirius, yeah?” he asked conversationally.

Remus sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he had somehow gotten himself involved in this conversation.

“Wouldn’t you be?” he returned shortly.

Regulus shrugged again.

“I’m his brother,” he said after a moment. “I’m always hacked off at him.”

This answer actually managed to surprise a laugh out of Remus.

“Yeah,” he conceded, “I know the feeling.”

He fumbled with the inside pocket of his robes for a minute before retrieving his pack of cigarettes and holding it out to Regulus. Regulus took it gratefully and lit a cigarette of his own with practiced ease.

He should have know then that something had changed between them.

They never talked about it, but somehow, every night after that they ended up in that same deserted hallway, sharing a pack of cigarettes. Sometimes there was conversation, but mostly it was just smoking and sitting in companionable silence. Neither boy could explain why he kept coming back each night. If asked, Remus would always say something about needing to clear his head. Regulus was never questioned, but he probably would have said something about ‘free smokes’.

This went on for three weeks before the real change happened. It was a Thursday night in late April, and on that particular night, as Remus held out the pack of cigarettes to Regulus, he realized that it was empty. For several minutes, he simply stared down into the empty box as if he could will another cigarette into being.

Finally, realizing it was futile, he dropped the box to the ground and fingered the lone cigarette that he held.

“I guess we could share this last one,” he offered, his tone suggesting that maybe Regulus could just bugger off and leave him to enjoy the cigarette by himself.

“Sure,” Regulus agreed instead, knowing full well that he wasn’t wanted.

In fact, every night that he came to this spot, he expected to find it empty. For three weeks now, he had been continually surprised by Remus’s presence.

After Remus took the first drag, he dutifully offered it to Regulus, and as he lifted the cigarette to his lips, Regulus found that he could still taste a bit of Remus on the paper. The entire act was strangely intimate somehow.

As he blew the smoke out of his lungs and handed the cigarette back to Remus, he wondered if this was how Sirius and Remus used to act around each other. He found himself wondering if Remus smoked after sex and the thought caused a tight knot to form in his stomach.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise really, when later that night, after the lone cigarette had been reduced to ash, Remus had pushed him up against the wall and kissed him. It wasn’t particularly good as first kisses go, more teeth than tongue, but Regulus found it intoxicating nonetheless. There was a kind of ferocity in Remus’s kisses that he had never experienced when kissing anyone else.

Something in the back of his mind told him that it wasn’t right, that it wasn’t really him that Remus wanted to be kissing. He heard his brother’s desperate voice from the last time they’d spoken, his voice cracking on Remus’s name. He imagined the look on Sirius’s face if he could have seen them in such a position.

But then Remus’s tongue was in his mouth and it tasted like smoke and chocolate and then there were hands on the zip of his fly and then a mantra of _ohgodohgodohgod_ whispered in his ear and he realized he’d forgotten how to think.

After that night, Remus stopped bringing cigarettes to their nightly meetings, but Regulus didn’t stop coming.


	3. Remus's Betrayal

He had always assumed, ever since he began his nightly meetings with Regulus, that Sirius would eventually find out. It wasn’t as though he wanted to get caught exactly; it was more that he had not really put much thought into the whole affair. Being with Regulus was a nice distraction from the rest of his life, and Remus (who had once been told by Sirius that he over-analyzed everything) was, for once in his life, trying not to think of what they had in context of everything else that had happened. That way, he wasn’t using Regulus or trying to hurt Sirius, he was just being, and that made everything much simpler.

Of course, context is not something to be dismissed so easily. ‘Real life,’ as it is often referred to, always finds a way of inserting itself into even the most well kept of fantasies. And so it was, a little over two months since the incident with Snape, that Sirius decided to follow Remus as he left the Gryffindor common room well past curfew.

Almost the minute that Remus’s lips touched Regulus’s and the intent of the evening was clear, Sirius removed the invisibility cloak that he had stolen from James’s trunk and revealed himself to the two startled boys. Regulus blushed crimson and pushed himself as far back against the wall as possible, but Remus stood still, his expression impossible to read.

It was a moment before anyone spoke and the silence was deafening.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked finally, his question seemingly directed at Remus.

Regulus withdrew even further, as if he were trying to burrow into the wall itself. Remus, caught off-guard at hearing Sirius’s hurt whisper where he had expected angry shouting, all at once realized the full impact of his actions. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, hugging his robes tighter, feeling suddenly cold.

“Let’s not do this here,” he pleaded when he found his voice.

Sirius nodded once and Remus looked over his shoulder at Regulus, frantically trying to think of something reassuring to say. But Regulus merely nodded at him when their eyes met (mimicking his brother, Remus thought wildly) and then with a brief glance at Sirius, he took off without another word.

Sirius took a step closer to Remus and for a wild moment Remus actually thought he was about to hit him, but then he merely threw the cloak around them both, hiding them from sight. They did not, of course, go back to the dorms. James and Peter would no doubt be there and this was not a conversation to be had in front of dormmates, even sleeping ones. Remus wondered vaguely where they were going, until they reached the third floor corridor and he suddenly recalled the hidden room Sirius and James had found at the beginning of the year. Mostly, it wasn’t much more than a spare bedroom, but it seemed to change a bit each time they used it.

Remus’s first thought, as he entered the familiar, yet slightly altered room, was that the last time he and Sirius had been together had been there, the night before everything had changed. He remembered how Sirius had taken him up against the wall almost as soon as they had shut the door behind them, too eager even to properly make it to the bed. Recalling that day, he suddenly felt as though he might be sick, and he collapsed heavily into the nearby armchair. He found he could not look at Sirius.

He waited several moments for Sirius to speak, for the accusations to begin, but they did not come.

Instead Sirius sighed and made his way over to where Remus had sat himself.

“Can we just be even now?” he asked, his voice coming out small and defeated.

“What?” Remus returned, finally looking up at Sirius out of sheer surprise.

“I’m tired, Remus,” Sirius told him simply. “I am so tired of all of this. I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate.” – He paused, shaking his head, as if to clear his thoughts. – “Look, if you were trying to hurt me, it worked. Of all the people you could have…I mean, my brother! My _fourteen year-old_ brother. I just…I can’t…I’m sorry for what I did, okay? I’m so sorry.”

He was crying now. Remus registered that fact somewhere in the back of his mind, as he tried to process what Sirius was saying.

“I just want this to be over,” he continued, reaching out and laying his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “I can’t stand this – being replaced by _him_! I’m sorry, okay? I love you. I’m sorry.”

Remus felt a tear slide down his cheek and all at once Sirius was kissing him, his sudden weight pushing Remus back into the chair. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed him, until that moment.

He pushed Sirius off him, but only so that he could stand up from the chair, and move them to the bed. He pulled Sirius down roughly, removing both of their clothes without much caution or grace. Sirius whimpered as skin met skin, clutching to Remus as though he might slip away at any moment.

The friction between them was about to explode when Remus pulled away roughly.

“Turn over,” he ordered and Sirius balked at the command.

They lay that way for a moment, breathing heavily, before Sirius rolled onto his stomach and then slowly brought himself to his hands and knees. It had never been like this before. It had always been Sirius who had done the taking, Remus writhing below him. Remus could feel every one of Sirius’s muscles tense as he touched his hip, his other hand digging in the pockets of his robes to find his wand. Remus knew that he was scared, that he wouldn’t even be letting him do this if he wasn’t so desperate to get him back. Guilt settled somewhere in the pit of his stomach, but he was already too far gone to stop.

He didn’t take as long as he should have to prepare him, given it was Sirius’s first time, but he couldn’t wait. All the longing and the anger that had been building up inside of him for the past two months came bursting out with his first thrust. Sirius gasped and cried out, Remus’s name coming out as a sob as he clutched desperately at the sheets. Remus reached out, stroking Sirius in time to his thrusts, closing his eyes and focusing on the sound of his name being repeated over and over like a prayer.

They lay together for hours afterwards, Remus spooned up against Sirius’s chest, his fingers tangled in Remus’s hair.

“Do you forgive me?” Sirius asked softly, a break in his voice betraying the weight of the question.

“Yes,” Remus answered simply, and he realized that he’d forgiven Sirius a long time ago.

The next night, he went back to meet Regulus, same as always.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Regulus said as soon as he made out Remus’s silhouette in the dim corridor.

“I had to explain,” Remus began, “about Sirius…”

“I’ve been thinking,” Regulus cut him off, shyly, “that maybe it’s not such a bad thing he found out, that maybe it’s good that it’s out in the open now. I mean, I’m not saying we should shout it in the middle of the Great Hall or anything, but I kind of felt guilty lying to him.”

“Regulus…” Remus tried.

“No, listen,” Regulus continued, “I know it’s complicated, and I know we usually try not to talk about it, but I…”

“I shagged Sirius last night.” Remus cut in before Regulus could go on.

Regulus blinked up at him in surprise.

“What?” he asked, in the manner of someone who knows they can’t have heard correctly.

“I’m sorry,” Remus told him, avoiding his gaze. “I didn’t mean for you to get caught up in the middle of this, but Sirius and I, we…have a history. I was angry at him and…”

“Right,” Regulus interjected, his voice suddenly hard, even though he was smiling. “I was just the next best thing. I get it. It’s okay.”

“Regulus…” Remus tried again, his voice taking on a desperate edge.

But Regulus was already walking away, taking any chance for closure with him.

Remus slid down the wall and just sat there, his knees pulled up to his chest, staring at (but not really seeing) the tapestry that was bolted to the wall in front of him. It was two hours before Sirius came looking for him and dragged him back up to the dorm.

Within weeks, everything had returned to normal. No one spoke of those two months ever again. But ignoring something doesn’t erase it.

For Remus, those two months had changed everything.

Four years later, Remus read the article about Regulus’s death, sitting at the kitchen table in the flat that he and Sirius shared. Afterward, he locked himself in the bathroom for two hours, keeping the shower running so that Sirius wouldn’t hear his sobs.

Later that same year, in October, Sirius betrayed him for the second and final time. As Remus read the article about his crimes and his sentence to Azkaban, he felt…not shock but a sort of grim vindication. He refused to let himself shed a single tear.


End file.
